My boss the crazy bitch
by cecivrn
Summary: Edward's in for the most uncomfortable elevator ride of his life. O/S just for fun


SM owns all Twilight characters.

EPOV

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I was _nervous. _Well, actually, I was downright _panicked_ standing before the massive wall of glass of the IMS building. Just a few feets away from my entire future. This job interview was all I ever wanted in my life, to be the PA of the chief and queen of the biggest publishing firm in the entire country.

"This is _it_" I whispered to myself before heading towards my dream.

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I never chewed my nails when I was nervous I usually just brushed a hand through my hair to calm down but I was afraid I would mess my perfect slick hair, so I was running wild with my nails. I didn't want to look anything but _perfect_ for this day. I was wearing my best suit, I brushed my teeth four times, and gave myself the longest peep talk of my life.

I passed the front desk and headed my self-confidence towards the elevators door.

There were only two more people in it, a tall redhead barking orders to someone through her blackberry, and another man who would put the hulk to shame.

The lift went smoothly upwards with Barry White singing strongly in the background.

In the 7th floor we came to a stop to haul another passenger.

Now, since I've entered the building I've seen people hold a silent war about who was the best dressed, but the umm…._thing_ that crossed the lift's door didn't seem aware of that fact. _Oh no_.

"Supp Emmett" She said fist pumping with the giant next to me.

"Hanging in there B." He responded with a cheerful grin.

This _girl _was using a hat backwards, she had hiking boots, a demin skirt and a blue flannel shirt. I scowled at her no bothering in hiding my disgust. Why was someone like her _dressed_ that way here?. It was highly inappropriate. The only thing I could think about was that she probably lost the truck of pigs and cows that hitched her from the farm…

They shouldn't let this kind of people roam around the building like lost goats.

I couldn't see her face clearly cause her back was to me, but I could tell she had a long mahogany hair bundle up inside her Yankees hat. Note that when I said _bundle_ I was being kind here, her hair would put a rat's nest to shame.

The Emmett guy stopped in the 14th floor and the redhead women followed him.

I looked at my watch, I was fifteen minutes earlier than I was supposed to be here, but I wanted to show efficiency.

The song of the elevator changed and suddenly Miss _Elly May_, -you know from the Hillbillies?- started to hum along with the music. Slowly raising her voice until she was full on force screaming the lyrics like there was no tomorrow.

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_We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll_

_Built this city, we built this city on rock and roll!_

_._

She turned to stand in front of me and started to play the air guitar like she was possessed or something. Shaking her arms and her body. I was seriously waiting for the moment her head would start spinning like the _Exorcist_.

She then offered me a fisted hand like a microphone. I just raised an eyebrow to her. She shrugged and keep singing alone.

Jesus must have felt my glare trough the elevator ceiling because the song suddenly changed to some Brazilian bossa she couldn't possibly understand…nope, no such luck, she kept singing but I think she was making out the lyrics, in her _own_ language. Maybe she _was_ possessed after all…

Five minutes later she just shut her trap.

_Thank you Jesus_

That was not the end of the torture thought, oh no. She stood next to me just staring at my face chewing her gum. She blew a huge balloon with it and pooped it right next to my cheek. I wanted to believe that the little drops I felt on my eyes were just my imagination.

I stood stoically in my spot, eyes on the front. Weighing possibilities of murder when

finally the bell saved me from becoming the next serial killer.

I arrived to the top floor and walked away from her like my ass was on fired. I didn't know if she followed me or kept with her journey to torture another poor soul.

I greeted Angela, the assistant of Isabella Swan. My soon to be boss. I _hoped_. As soon as I shook Angela's hand she eyed me from head to toe and gave a heartily chuckle. She was probably impressed by my professionalism. I gave myself a mental pat.

"She will see you now Mr. Cullen." She showed me the door I had to cross to meet Miss Swan.

You see, I've never seen her, but I was well schooled about her ability to find true writing talents and her skills that made every book they published rank in the first place of the NY Times Bestseller. I imagined her as a Meryl Streep wearing _Prada._

So I squared my shoulders, lifted my chin and opened the door with confidence.

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To say I was in shock two seconds later when I saw who was sitting behind that desk wouldn't be accurate.

It was the _devil. _But she was wearing no_ Prada._ Oh no, she was all flannel and demin…

I stood frozen in the doorway, I didn't know if I opened the wrong door, or if they were pulling a prank on me.

"Is this some kind of joke'" I asked to elevator girl.

Her head was resting lazily between her elbows, the hat was gone and I could see her arching an eyebrow.

Miss Swan slowly slid her hands to the intercom next to her and pushed the button.

"Angela, is my father death?" She asked with calm without taking her eyes out of me.

"No Ma'am." Angela's voice drifted trough the machine.

"Are we hiring a chauffer for the limo?" She kept on.

"No Miss, I don't think so."

"Would you like to tell me then, why is there a man dressed as a fucking penguin in my office?"

"He's here for the PA job interview Miss."

She narrowed both of her eyes to me.

"I see…okay, I'll see what I can do with _this"_ Like Angela, Miss Swan too eyed me out from head to toe.

"Well, explain yourself" she barked to me.

"Pardon me, what should I explain?" I asked her hoping to sound cool and collected instead of annoyed and frustrated.

"Why do you come to work dressed as an animal" She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. She left her seat and creep closer to me, circulating me like a lion.

"It's called _Gucci_, Miss Swan." I gave her the most sarcastic grin I had.

She stopped to sniff my shoulder and wrinkled her nose.

"More like _Fuchi,_ Mr. Cullen."


End file.
